A Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).
Original Air Date: October 3, 2000
Transcriber's Notes:
Teaser
BUFFY: I've been going out a lot.
GILES: Patrolling?
BUFFY: Hunting.
Various shots of Buffy fighting and killing vampires.
GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on BTVS...
BUFFY VOICEOVER: That's ... what Dracula called it. And he was right.
Shot of Buffy talking to Giles.
BUFFY: He understood my power better than I do. He saw darkness in it.
Shot of Giles looking concerned.
BUFFY: I need to know more. About where I come from, about the other slayers. I need you to be my Watcher again.
Shot of Xander in Dracula's castle.
XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
Shot of Buffy walking into a room in Joyce's house, seeing Dawn.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: What are you *doing* here?
Shot of Dawn looking annoyed.
Shot of Joyce in her room, calling out.
JOYCE: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister?
Shot of Buffy and Dawn looking annoyed in Joyce's direction.
Buffy and Dawn (in unison): Mom!
Episode begins with a black screen.
GILES VOICEOVER: There is nothing but you.
Head-shot of Buffy with her eyes closed. Quiet, meditative music begins.
GILES VOICEOVER: You are the center. And within you, there is the core of your being ... of what you are.
Shot of Giles walking in a circle around Buffy.
GILES: Find it ... breathe into it.
We see Buffy wearing a tank-top and pants, leaning over a short pedestal with both her hands on it. Giles walks in front of her.
GILES VOICEOVER: Focus inward. Let the world fall away ... fall away ... fall away....
The camera zooms in on Buffy's face as Giles repeats "fall away." She opens her eyes. Buffy leans forward and goes into a handstand, balancing on her hands on the pedestal. The pedestal is about two feet high and four inches square. We see exercise mats underneath it and a vault in the background. Giles is still walking circles around Buffy, staring at her.
Shot of a large flat crystal with three smaller crystals standing on end atop it.
Shot of Giles watching Buffy.
Closeup of Buffy's face, eyes closed again. She begins to remove one hand from the pedestal.
Slow-motion shot of Buffy bringing one arm out parallel to the floor, so she is balancing on the other hand. Giles still walking around her, watching. The music continues. Buffy's face looks very peaceful.
Shot of the crystals. A hand appears and tries to balance a fourth crystal on top of the three standing ones, but it's clumsy and all the crystals fall over with a clunk.
Buffy's eyes pop open, she loses her concentration and crashes to the floor with a cry. Giles starts toward her in alarm, sees she's all right. He then looks in a different direction, pulling off his glasses in an angry motion.
Shot of the ceiling from Buffy's point of view. Dawn's face emerges into the shot.
DAWN: Can we go now?
Shot of Buffy looking annoyed.
Wolf howl. Opening credits.
Michelle Trachtenberg (Dawn) is now listed with the regular cast members, after Emma Caulfield and before James Marsters.
Guest starring Mercedes McNab, Bob Morrisey, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by David Fury, directed by David Grossman.
Fade in on a hanging mobile of fish. The camera pans across a bedroom.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. It's like, nobody cares enough to find out. I mean, does anyone ever ask *me* what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? Or what restaurant to order in from?
We see Dawn sitting on a bed, wearing pajamas, writing in a diary. There's a huge pile of stuffed animals on the bed with her.
DAWN VOICEOVER: No. Underline. Exclamation point.
We see her underlining the word and drawing the exclamation point. She ponders for a moment and then violently draws a few more, stabbing at the paper with her pen.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Exclamation point, exclamation point. (pause) No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a slayer.
Shot of Buffy opening the refrigerator and taking out a carton of milk.
DAWN VOICEOVER: People wouldn't be so crazy about her if they had to live in the same house with her every single day. Everybody cares what she thinks. Just 'cause she can do backflips and stuff.
Buffy sniffs the milk and puts it on the counter. In the background we see Joyce drinking coffee and Dawn opening a cabinet to get out a box of cereal. Buffy picks up a banana from a bowl of fruit, turns away.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Like that's *such* a crucial job skill in the real world.
As Buffy moves to the background of the shot to get a bowl, Joyce and Dawn move to the foreground. Joyce pours milk into her coffee cup. Dawn opens the cereal box and sits down.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Plus Mom lets her get away with everything. "Your sister's saving the world."
Joyce moves to the background again as Buffy returns with a bowl, which she places on the counter, moving the milk carton aside. She picks up the banana again and turns away, peeling it. Dawn takes Buffy's bowl and pours cereal into it.
DAWN VOICEOVER: *I* could so save the world if somebody handed me super powers...
Dawn turns away from the table as Buffy returns with a knife, prepared to slice the banana into her bowl, but finds the bowl missing. She sees it sitting at Dawn's spot full of cereal, and makes an irritated face.
DAWN VOICEOVER: ...but I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn't even.
Dawn returns with a spoon, wearing an innocent expression. Buffy turns away to get another bowl, and Dawn picks up the carton of milk. She empties it into her bowl and sits down to eat.
DAWN VOICEOVER: If this town wasn't so lame everyone would completely know what she does. And then I bet they wouldn't even be that impressed, because like, killing things with wood? Oh, scary vampires, they die from a splinter.
Buffy returns with another bowl, reaches across Dawn for the cereal box, pours it into her bowl, picks up the milk carton and finds it empty. Dawn continues eating, pretending not to notice.
JOYCE: So Buffy, what are your plans today?
Buffy continues giving Dawn a dirty look for a moment, then looks away.
BUFFY: Oh, actually, Giles and I are gonna go to the magic shop for supplies for my new and improved training sessions.
JOYCE: Oh, that's great.
BUFFY: (walking to sink, then to fridge) Oh, yeah, I'm actually-
JOYCE: (interrupts) You can take Dawn shopping for back to school supplies.
Dawn puts down her spoon and turns around, preparing to argue.
BUFFY: What??
DAWN: Mom, I-I thought you were taking me.
JOYCE: Well, honey, I've got the Gurion showing tonight, and there's so much to do to get the gallery ready. (Turns to leave kitchen.)
BUFFY: No, but, see, Mom --
Buffy and Dawn run after Joyce as she walks to the living room.
BUFFY: That doesn't really work for me. We're just going to the magic shop. No school supplies there.
DAWN: Yeah, Mom, I'm not going to Hogwarts. (She giggles at her own joke till she notices Buffy looking annoyed and confused.) Geez, crack a book sometime.
JOYCE: Look, I'm sure Giles doesn't mind dropping you and your sister off at the mall afterwards.
BUFFY: Actually, he does mind. This is supposed to be quality Watcher/slayer time. I told you, she completely ruined my training yesterday.
DAWN: Did not!
BUFFY: Oh, you know you did too.
JOYCE: Buffy. I realize the importance of your new slayer thing, but-
Knock on door.
JOYCE: -I could really use your help.
She walks past the two girls, both sighing and rolling their eyes in annoyance. They glare at each other as Joyce opens the door and Riley comes in.
RILEY: Morning, Mrs. Summers. You look great.
JOYCE: Oh, thank you, Riley. (Exits)
Buffy goes over to Riley.
BUFFY: Suck up.
RILEY: What? It's a nice outfit.
Dawn pretends not to be watching them.
BUFFY: Mm-hmm.
RILEY: Besides, "I'm here to violate your firstborn" never goes over with parents. Not sure why.
He and Buffy smooch.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Riley, my sister's boyfriend, is *so* into her. They're always kissing ... and groping. I bet they have sex!
Riley stops kissing Buffy and looks at Dawn.
RILEY: Hey, kid.
DAWN: I'm not a kid.
She walks off as Buffy & Riley move into the living room.
BUFFY: Well, this is a surprise of the nicest kind.
RILEY: Now it's my turn to be surprised. I thought we had plans today.
They sit on the sofa.
BUFFY: Plans? We planned plans?
RILEY: Well, you said, uh, "come over tomorrow and we'll hang," and then I said, "OK." Not the invasion of Normandy, but still a plan.
Buffy nods in resignation.
BUFFY: Right.
RILEY: (studying her expression) We're not hangin' today, are we?
BUFFY: Giles is on his way to pick me up.
RILEY: Oh, slayer training.
BUFFY: Slayer shopping, actually, but equally as important.
RILEY: I have no doubt. Okay, well, we'll hook up later. (Starts to get up)
BUFFY: Are you mad at me?
RILEY: Oh, no, not at all. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way. (Smiles)
BUFFY: Good.
RILEY: Look, Buffy, I know what this means to you. I think it's great that you've got this new mission. I'll see you tonight.
(Smooch. Riley gets up.)
RILEY: Bye. (calling) See ya, kid!
DAWN: (OS) I'm not a kid!
Cut to a shot of a bright red convertible driving down the street. Giles is at the wheel, Buffy beside him and Dawn in the back. Classical music plays on the radio.
GILES: Well, I sympathize with you, Buffy, I truly do. But I'm certain that Riley understands better than anyone else the importance of training. You can't allow personal concerns to distract you from- (Dawn reaches between them to change the radio station) Dawn, will you stop fiddling with the radio and sit down?
Dawn sits back, looking exasperated. The radio plays classical music.
DAWN VOICEOVER: I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much.
Shot of Dawn back in her room, writing in her diary.
DAWN VOICEOVER: I think it's 'cause he's just so ... old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word "newfangled" one time. So he's gotta be pretty far gone.
Cut back to Dawn fidgeting in the backseat of the car.
BUFFY: (studying a piece of paper) There's a lot of books on this list. Any of them come on tape? You know, read by George Clooney or someone cute like that?
GILES: You're entering a new realm here, Buffy. One for which I myself am not entirely prepared. Are you ready for this commitment?
BUFFY: I'm just kidding! Hey, this Betty's ready. Color me committed.
The car engine races as Giles tries to shift.
GILES: Blast!
BUFFY: You put it in neutral again, huh?
GILES: I'm just not used to this automatic transmission. I-I loathe this sitting here, not contributing.
Shot of Dawn looking surprised.
GILES: No, i-it's not working out.
BUFFY: Giles, are you breaking up with your car?
GILES: Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty!
BUFFY: Little two-door tramp.
Giles gives her a sour look.
GILES: I-I-I don't know, I just - I was so at loose ends, I-I found myself searching for ... some way of feeling more...
BUFFY: Shallow?
GILES: Perhaps, as I am to act as your Watcher again, a modicum of respect might be in order.
BUFFY: Do I have to?
GILES: I'm serious, Buffy, there's going to be far less time for the sort of flighty, frivolous-
DAWN: (pointing) Hey, there's Willow and Tara!
GILES: Ooh, they haven't seen my new car.
He pulls over. Buffy rolls her eyes at him. We see Willow and Tara coming out of the coffee shop.
WILLOW: Hey Giles, sharp wheels!
TARA: The rest of the car's nice too.
Everyone gets out of the car.
GILES: Handles like a dream.
BUFFY: Where are you guys heading?
WILLOW: Magic shop. I have some charms on back order.
DAWN: (smiling) Willow, hi.
WILLOW: Hey Dawny! (They hug) How's my favorite chess partner? Still leading with your knight?
Dawn shrugs in embarrassment.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Willow's the awesomest person.
Cut back to Dawn in pajamas, now lying on her bed writing in the diary with a smile.
DAWN VOICEOVER: She's the only one I know who likes school as much as me.
Cut back to the street. Dawn smiles at Willow, then the camera pans over to Tara.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Even her friends are cool!
Tara smiles and gives a little wave.
TARA: Hey Dawn.
DAWN VOICEOVER: Like Tara. (Cut back to Dawn in the bedroom) She and Willow are both witches. They do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than slaying. I told Mom one time I wished they'd teach me some of the things they do together. A-and then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs. (She pauses in her writing and looks puzzled.) Huh. I guess her generation isn't cool with witchcraft.
Cut back to the street. Dawn and Tara are walking side-by-side, with Giles ahead of them and Buffy and Willow in the lead.
BUFFY: So Giles and I worked out a whole schedule around school. A block of time every day just to focus on my new slayer training.
WILLOW: That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic.
BUFFY: Oh, no. Do they make an ointment for that?
WILLOW: People gotta respect a solid work ethic. Look at you, motivated Buffy. Eager to soak up learning. Oh, you and I are gonna have so much fun this semester.
BUFFY: (stops walking, and so do the rest of them) Yeah, that reminds me. With the whole new training schedule, I kinda had to drop a class.
WILLOW: That's understandable. Your slayer studies are way more important.
BUFFY: So I won't be taking drama with you.
In the background we see Tara and Dawn peering in the windows of the magic shop.
WILLOW: What? You have to, you promised!
BUFFY: Well, I know, but Giles said that it just was- (gesturing to Giles who's behind her, looking in the opposite direction)
WILLOW: The hell with Giles. (Giles turns in surprise)
GILES: I can hear you, Willow.
WILLOW: Drama is just Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. You can blow off training Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, can't you?
BUFFY: What happened to "people gotta respect a work ethic"?
WILLOW: Other people, not me! There's a whole best friend loophole.
TARA: (calling to them) Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed.
GILES: That's odd.
Everyone looks bemused and walks toward the magic shop.
Cut to interior of the magic shop as Giles opens the door and walks in. It's dark and the furniture is overturned. Giles and Buffy walk in slowly, followed by the others, all looking around.
BUFFY: Well, I think "odd" just got upped to "bad."
GILES: (calling) Hello? Anyone here?
TARA: Mr. Bogarty?
Everyone looks at Tara.
TARA: The owner. I-I come in here a lot.
Willow advances farther into the store.
WILLOW: Well, maybe this happened ... really late at night when nobody was...
She trips over something and falls to the floor.
BUFFY: Will?
Tara comes forward.
WILLOW: I'm fine, I - I just tripped over...
She sits up and sees the body. He's lying face-up and we can see vampire bite marks on his neck.
WILLOW: Mr. Bogarty.
DAWN: (behind Buffy and Giles) Wha-what is it, is he okay?
She tries to move forward but Buffy pushes her back.
BUFFY: It's nothing you need to see, Dawn, go wait outside.
Buffy hustles her toward the door with a hand on Dawn's elbow.
DAWN: I don't wanna wait outside!
BUFFY: Dawn!
DAWN: Ow, that hurt! (Buffy pushes her out the door onto the street) You're hurting me. I'm telling.
BUFFY: Look, I don't have time for this. Just do as I say and wait.
She starts off, then turns back.
BUFFY: Here.
Buffy goes back inside. Dawn sighs in annoyance, walks around a little, then goes back and peers between the blinds. Inside the shop she can see Buffy, Tara and Willow standing around as Giles kneels beside the body.
GUY: Whatcha doin'?
Dawn turns with a gasp. A scruffy older man is standing there, unshaven, his tie loose.
GUY: What are you doing here? You can't loiter. There's no loitering.
He advances on Dawn as she backs up, scared.
GUY: That's why I'm a cat. Quiet. See, cat's in the cupboard (making cat-scratching gestures with his hands) but they find you there anyway, and it hurts.
Dawn has backed up against a van. She looks around, scared.
GUY: (sobbing) Please, make it stop. (in a different tone) Shut up, shut up, they'll hear you!
DAWN: (tries to call out) Buff- (Shrieks as the guy puts his finger on her lips)
GUY: I know you. Curds and whey. (Dawn looks shocked) I know what you are. (slowly and ominously) You ... don't ... belong ... here.
Dawn shakes her head, looks on the verge of tears. Blackout.
Cut in on the outer door to the magic shop. It opens and Tara comes out. She looks around.
TARA: Dawn?
She walks out a little farther, looking around.
TARA: Dawn?
She looks down and sees Dawn sitting on the ground, leaning against a building.
TARA: Dawn. You okay?
DAWN: Is ... Is that guy dead in there?
Tara nods.
TARA: Yeah.
She sits down next to Dawn.
TARA: They're gonna be a little while longer, doing the detective thing. Best non-scoobies like you and me stay out of the way.
Dawn nods. They sit silently for a few moments.
TARA: Do you wanna thumb-wrestle?
Dawn nods again.
DAWN: Okay.
They lock their hands together and begin to thumb-wrestle.
Cut to a shot of the dead guy lying face-up. Giles' hands reach over and close his eyes.
BUFFY: Judging by the bite-fest, I'd say it was more than one vampire.
GILES: (standing up) I make it four at least.
BUFFY: Looks like someone's put together a new fang club. (Walks to the counter. Willow is behind it, holding a book.)
WILLOW: Well, I've cross-checked the inventory list, and things are definitely missing. (puts inventory book on the counter) Mostly books. Including A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of the Vampire Slayer.
Buffy pulls out her list as Giles picks up the inventory book.
BUFFY: Oh, shoot! Was that the only copy?
GILES: Come on, Buffy, this could be very serious. Whoever's leading this pack of vampires appears to be interested in learning more about you. Perhaps searching for weaknesses or ... good lord.
BUFFY: What?
GILES: Well, I had no idea the profit margins on a shop like this were so high.
Buffy and Willow exchange a look.
GILES: Look at this! Uh, low overhead, out-of-state orders, international - it's no wonder there's never any trouble attracting new owners. (Looking around) A place like this is a virtual-
BUFFY: Deathtrap?
GILES: What? Well, uh, yes, there is that. But, uh, still... (puts book down and looks around some more) Location, pedestrian traffic...
WILLOW: So what's the next step?
GILES: (still gazing around) Buffy, you should begin looking for their lair straight away.
BUFFY: I'll get Riley to help me patrol.
WILLOW: Wait, aren't you forgetting something?
GILES: Impressive square footage...
He walks off as Buffy gives Willow a questioning look
WILLOW: You're on Dawn duty.
Buffy looks annoyed.
BUFFY: Oh, duty. I gotta drop my sister back home. (eyes widening) My mother's gonna *kill* me.
GILES: (wandering back into view) I bet the death rate keeps the rent down. (pauses) Oh, hello. Something's been taken from this case, look here.
He goes over to a case where the glass has been knocked out.
BUFFY: What'd they take?
Willow looks in the inventory book.
GILES: I should think an item of, of value, or-or power, possibly even a-
WILLOW: A unicorn. 10-inch ceramic unicorn imported from Thailand.
BUFFY: Was it valuable?
Giles stares in puzzlement at the empty case.
WILLOW: (OS) List price, $12.95.
GILES: Which begs the question, what kind of an unholy creature fancies cheap tasteless statuary?
Cut to head shot of Harmony.
HARMONY: Okay, hi. First of all, I wanna thank everybody for a really successful raid on the magic shop last night. (applauding) Good job, minions!
We see Harmony in the underground lair, wearing a skimpy black top and shiny gold pants. Four male vampires are standing around. They applaud along with her, a little uncertainly. They are Brad, Cyrus, Peaches, and Mort. Mort is very tall and large, whereas the others are fairly average-sized.
HARMONY: Yes, you deserve it. Secondly... (turns away to reach for something) somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest little unicorn! (Holds up the ceramic unicorn and smiles at Brad. The other vamps stare at him.)
BRAD: (whispering to other vamps) What?
HARMONY: Brad, guess someone was feeling guilty for standing me up in the tenth grade. (Admiring the unicorn)
BRAD: (to other vamps) I, I had to get her something. She sired me.
Peaches: (to Cyrus) Sire-whipped.
We see Mort adding the unicorn to a large collection of other unicorn statues sitting on a table.
HARMONY: Anyway, the books you guys brought me to help with the plan? Well, I've been skimming through the book jackets all morning, and let me tell you, there's some pretty useful stuff in there, so-
Cyrus raises his hand.
HARMONY: Yes, uh ... sorry, forgot your name.
CYRUS: Cyrus.
HARMONY: Cyrus, huh, right. Peaches' friend. (Peaches nods) What's your question?
CYRUS: When are we gonna do it?
HARMONY: Eww! That's rude! I barely know you! (Cyrus looks sideways at the other vamps in confusion) Uch, and you're a minion!
MORT: He means the plan! When are we gonna do the plan?
HARMONY: Ohhh! The plan! (laughs in embarrassment) Ah, well, first lemme tell you I'm really psyched about it and I hope the rest of you guys-
MORT: (yelling) When?!
HARMONY: (yelling) Tonight! (more calmly) We kill the slayer ... tonight. (Smiles in self-satisfaction.)
The other vamps grin and nod at each other.
Cut to Dawn sitting on her bed holding her diary, wearing the same clothes she was wearing at the magic shop.
JOYCE VOICEOVER: So not only didn't you take your sister shopping for school supplies-
Dawn listens in. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. While Buffy and Joyce argue, Joyce walks back and forth getting dressed and putting on jewelry.
JOYCE: -you brought her to a murder scene.
BUFFY: No, I didn't bring her to it, it ... just ... sorta came upon us. It's not like she saw the body or anything.
JOYCE: Oh, well. That makes it all right then, doesn't it?
BUFFY: No, that is not what I meant.
JOYCE: I asked one favor of you, Buffy. To look after your sister. And now you want to unload her, so you and Riley can go out.
BUFFY: To patrol. I'm working, it's not like I wanna go to the sock hop.
JOYCE: I have to be at the pre-show reception in half an hour. Who's gonna watch Dawn?
DAWN: (OS, calling from her room) I don't need anyone to watch me!
BUFFY and JOYCE: (unison) Yes you do!
Joyce walks into the bathroom.
BUFFY: Wait. So what you're saying is if I can get an acceptable babysitter here before you leave, I can go patrol?
DAWN: (OS) Babysitter? I'm fourteen! I'm old enough to *be* a babysitter!
JOYCE: And who are you gonna get on such short notice?
DAWN: (OS) I can take care of myself!
BUFFY: (suddenly realizing) Xander.
JOYCE: Xander?
Sound of running footsteps. Joyce and Buffy look up as Dawn appears in the doorway.
DAWN: Okay.
Doorbell rings.
Cut to Dawn running up to the front door, pausing to fix her hair. She's wearing a tight short dress. She