I Was Made To Love You

Buffy Episode #93: "I Was Made To Love You" Transcript

A Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode written by Jane Espenson and transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).
Original Air Date: February 20, 2001

Transcriber's Notes:

Teaser

GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
Monks running in fear.
Glory bursting through a warehouse door.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
QUINTON TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon. She's a god.
Glory talking to the tied-up monk.
GLORY: Tell me where the key is.
Monk talking to Buffy.
MONK: We had to hide the key. Made it human...
Monks chanting.
Dawn looking sullen.
MONK: ... and sent it to you.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn.
RILEY: Know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know.
Riley letting a vampire bite him.
RILEY VOICEOVER: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me.
Riley talking to Buffy.
RILEY: They want me back, Buffy.
BUFFY: Are you going?
RILEY: I don't know. If we can't work this out...
BUFFY: This is goodbye?
Riley in the helicopter lifting off.
Buffy yelling up at the helicopter.
BUFFY: Riley!
Buffy watching the helicopter fly away.
BUFFY: There's something that you need to know. About Dawn.
DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around?
Spike and Dawn in the magic shop.
SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her in the form of a sister.
Dawn with blood on her arm.
DAWN: Is this blood?
BUFFY: What did you do?
DAWN: I'm not a key.
Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben.
DAWN: I'm not real.
BEN: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you. She's here!
Ben morphing into Glory.
Spike and Buffy in the underground cave.
SPIKE: I love you.
BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.
Spike and Buffy on the street.
BUFFY: I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand?
Spike trying to enter the Summers house but he can't.
Buffy closing the door in Spike's face.

Episode begins: Buffy in the workout room punching something. Giles is in the background, sitting and watching.

BUFFY: (punches) Spike! (more punches) Spike wants me, how obscene is that?
GILES: Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. (stands) Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive...
BUFFY: (stops punching) I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty.

She resumes punching. We see part of the thing she's punching, which looks like a punching bag.

GILES: That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels.
BUFFY: (stops punching) Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!"

She resumes punching, very violently, and finishes by kneeing the target sharply.

GILES: Buffy, I think you should perhaps calm down.
XANDER: Me too.

We see that Buffy's target is actually Xander in a huge padded suit and fencing mask. It forces his arms to stand straight out at his sides, basically immobile. Giles and Buffy look at him with concern.

BUFFY: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. (removes the mask, gives it to Giles) Are you okay?
XANDER: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.
BUFFY: Do you wanna sit down?
XANDER: I'm not that bendy. (points at the wall) I could lean.
GILES: I'll get some ice.

Buffy helps Puffy Xander waddle over to the wall and lean against it.

BUFFY: Here.
XANDER: (loud sigh)
BUFFY: Comfy?
XANDER: Oh, yeah. This leaning? This is the stuff.
BUFFY: That's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple really, you slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell-
XANDER: Buff...
BUFFY: ...and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll meet a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it.
XANDER: Buffy ... (jerks his head sideways) Stand me up.

Buffy helps him stand up straight. He loses his balance and slants toward Buffy, who puts her hands on the puffy stomach to stabilize him.

XANDER: The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please.
BUFFY: It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away.
XANDER: There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute.
BUFFY: Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement.
XANDER: What? I don't think you're like that.
BUFFY: Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at?
XANDER: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you.

Buffy looks touched.

BUFFY: Xander, that's ... aw!

She puts her arms around Puffy Xander and rests her head on his big puffy chest.

XANDER: This is the day you choose to hug me? (shakes head, sighs) Buffy?
BUFFY: Mm?
XANDER: You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything.

Buffy closes her eyes looking peaceful.

BUFFY: Mm.

Cut to: Sunnydale main street, night. A car comes around a corner and stops by the sidewalk. The passenger door opens and a young woman (April) gets out, closes the door. She is wearing a very short, very tight pink flowered dress. She has long straight dark hair and a perpetual smile. She leans in to talk to the driver of the car.

APRIL: Thank you for picking me up. I'm very grateful for the ride.
DRIVER GUY: You sure you want to get out here? I mean, this place is kinda ... (looks around) what are you looking for in Sunnydale, anyway?
APRIL: (looks around with a smile) True love.

Wolf howl. Opening credits.

Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Shonda Farr, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by James A. Contner.

Act I

Fade in on the Summers living room, day. Joyce is wearing a black evening gown with large flowers on it. She is spinning around. Buffy and Dawn sit on the sofa watching.

BUFFY: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again?

Joyce spins again. Buffy smiles.

DAWN: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more.

Joyce spins again, smiles at them.

BUFFY: Now could you go the other way?

Joyce starts to spin, stops and looks at them.

JOYCE: You're messing with me!

Dawn laughs.

BUFFY: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it.
DAWN: Was that five, or four and a half?
JOYCE: (holds out her arms) So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?
DAWN: I like it.
JOYCE: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish?
DAWN: Oh. That was why I liked it. (Joyce looks disappointed)
BUFFY: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. (Joyce looks relieved) It's sexy. It screams, "Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." (pauses) Oh, wait, that's not really good either.

Dawn shakes her head in agreement.

JOYCE: Oh god. What time is it?
BUFFY: (checks her watch) 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are.
DAWN: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny? (she and Buffy exchange an amused look)
JOYCE: No! He works for a publishing house. He's a nice normal guy, okay?
BUFFY: I think I've heard of those.
JOYCE: He came to the gallery ... my first day back, when I was, you know, kinda shaky, starting over. And he asked a question about these antique cameos (sighs) and I was so lost, because ... Carol had been doing the ordering while I was sick. Well, it turned out that he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about.
DAWN: (smiling) So what's the plan for tonight?
JOYCE: (smiling) Dinner and then a movie. (frowns) Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. (Buffy nods) Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? (Dawn shakes her head) Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace?
BUFFY: Oh, no. (stands, walks across to other end of the sofa) Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left.
JOYCE: Honey, you just had some bad luck.
DAWN: Well, you're going to that spring break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there.
BUFFY: Mm-hmm. Or maybe Brian has a son, and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates.
JOYCE: Oh god... (puts hands on her chest) Brian. What time is it now?
BUFFY: (checks watch) 4:24.
JOYCE: (nervous) You sure the dress is okay?
DAWN: Hmm. Spin again. Real fast this time.

Joyce gives them an amused-scolding look.

Cut to: Tara and Anya walking along the UC Sunnydale campus, day.
TARA: Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?
ANYA: Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans."
TARA: I go online sometimes, but ... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's ... depressing.
ANYA: But you have to try online trading, it's great! The secret is avoiding the tech companies everyone was jumping on, and, and going with the smaller firms that supply the basic components.
TARA: Uh-huh.
ANYA: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it.
TARA: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money?
ANYA: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.

April walks up to them with a big smile.

APRIL: Hi.

Anya and Tara look at each other, then at April.

ANYA: Hi.
APRIL: I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me?
TARA: Um, I, I don't think we know a Warren. (Anya shakes her head)
APRIL: Well, all righty, no harm in asking. Thanks!

She walks off with a smile. The others watch her go up to a guy sitting on a bench, reading the newspaper.

APRIL: Hi, do you know Warren? I need to find him.
BENCH GUY: Uh, sorry.

Tara and Anya resume walking.
TARA: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer?
ANYA: (smiling) I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me.

They walk off. In the background we see April walking along in the other direction.

Cut to: UC Sunnydale dorm. A party is going on. Music, decorations, lots of drinks, lots of people moving around, talking. We see Ben standing by the punch bowl. Pan across to Buffy and Xander dancing together.
XANDER: How you doing, having o' the fun?
BUFFY: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy.
XANDER: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin.

Pan further to find Tara, Willow, and Anya standing together.

ANYA: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me.
TARA: Very nice of you.
WILLOW: A good deed.
ANYA: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now.

The song ends, Buffy and Xander stop dancing. Xander bows.
BUFFY: Thank you.

Xander walks off. Buffy spots Ben still standing by the punch bowl, talking to someone. The other person leaves and Ben looks around, looking uncomfortable.

Buffy walks over while Ben is looking the other way. She leans against a nearby pillar and pretends not to see him.

Ben looks around more, notices Buffy.

BEN: Buffy.
BUFFY: (pretends to notice him) Be