A Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode written by Jane Espenson and transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).
Original Air Date: April 24, 2001
Transcriber's Notes:
TeaserGILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
Buffy talking to Glory in the Summers home.
GLORY: Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie, and she won't give it back. I bet you know where she put it, don't you?
Spike and Dawn in the magic shop.
SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her, in the form of a sister.
Ben talking to Jinx.
BEN: Let Glory understand this: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent-
JINX: An innocent?
BEN: It's not a person.
Ben stabbing Jinx.
Glory in her apartment.
GLORY: What about the key?
JINX: He indicated that it was a person.
Spike kissing Buffy.
Spike sitting up in bed gasping.
SPIKE: Oh God, no.
Spike talking to Buffy in his underground cavern.
SPIKE: I love you.
BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.
April holding Spike in the air.
APRIL: You are not my boyfriend!
April throwing Spike through a window.
Buffy talking to the Scoobies.
BUFFY: I kinda got the impression that she was a-
TARA: Robot.
XANDER: Oh yeah, robot.
WARREN: She's a robot.
April walking down the street.
WARREN: I made her to love me. I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend.
Spike talking to Warren.
SPIKE: I'm placing an order.
WARREN: No, I'm not making any more girls.
SPIKE: Sure you are. (giving Warren the box full of Buffy pictures) Here's your specs.
Buffy in her house.
BUFFY: Mom? What are you doing?
Joyce lying dead on the sofa.
BUFFY: Mommy?
Joyce's funeral.
MINISTER: We commend to almighty God our sister, Joyce Summers.
Buffy and Dawn crying.
Buffy sitting with Angel.
BUFFY: It's tomorrow that I'm worried about.
ANGEL: What's tomorrow?
BUFFY: That's exactly what I don't know.Episode opens on the Summers kitchen. Buffy is washing dishes while Dawn wipes. Giles walks over with a towel.
BUFFY: Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked.
GILES: Oh, come on, I quite like to cook. Helping you two out makes me feel useful. (wiping a dish)
DAWN: Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You can feel indispensable.
GILES: (sarcastic) Hmm, how tempting.
BUFFY: Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they get furry and we have to name them.
DAWN: Hey, I was like five then.Dawn exits.
GILES: How's she doing? (Buffy gives him a look) And you?
BUFFY: I'm okay. Well, some minutes are harder than others.
GILES: I'm so sorry. All I can say is i-it will get better.
BUFFY: It has to. (stops washing dishes, begins drying her hands) We're holding up though, you know, getting into a routine.
GILES: Good, routine's good. In fact I was thinking that we might ... return to our training schedule.
BUFFY: (pauses) I don't know. I was, um, thinking about ... maybe ... taking a break or something.She puts down her towel and walks into the living room. Giles follows.
BUFFY: Just ease off for a while. Not get into full slay mode.
GILES: But you were doing so well.
BUFFY: A-and you were great, helping me with everything. (They sit on the sofa) I'm just ... starting to feel ... uneasy about stuff.
GILES: Stuff?
BUFFY: Training. Slaying. All of it. It's just ... I mean ... I can beat up the demons until the cows come home. And then I can beat up the cows ... but I'm not sure I like what it's doing to me.
GILES: But you've mastered so much. I mean, your strength and resilience alone-
BUFFY: Yeah. Strength, resilience ... those are all words for hardness. (pause) I'm starting to feel like ... being the Slayer is turning me into stone.
GILES: Turning you into stone? Buffy-
BUFFY: Just ... think about it. (gets up, paces) I was never there for Riley, not like I was for Angel. I was terrible to Dawn.
GILES: At a time like this-
BUFFY: No.
GILES: You're bound to feel emotionally numb.
BUFFY: Before that. Riley left because I was shut down. He's gone. And now my mom is gone ... and I loved her more than anything ... and ... I don't know if she knew.
GILES: Oh, she knew. (gets up, puts his hand on Buffy's shoulder) Always.
BUFFY: I don't know. To slay, to kill ... i-it means being hard on the inside. Maybe being the perfect Slayer means being too hard to love at all. I already feel like I can hardly say the words.
GILES: Buffy...
BUFFY: Giles ... I love you. Love ... love, love, love, love, Giles, it feels strange.
GILES: Well, I shouldn't wonder. (frowns, sits on the coffee table) How serious are you about this?
BUFFY: (walks past him, sits on sofa) Ten. I'm serious to the amount of ten.
GILES: There is something ... in the Watchers' diaries ... a quest.
BUFFY: A quest? Like finding a grail or something?
GILES: Not a grail. Maybe answers. It would take a day, perhaps two.
BUFFY: I'm not leaving Dawn. Not with Glory looking for her.Dawn enters in time to hear this.
DAWN: Sure you can. (sits next to Buffy) What's the deal?
GILES: Some Slayers before Buffy found it helpful in ... regaining their focus, learning more about their role. There's a sacred place in the desert. It's, it's not far.
BUFFY: But I can't go. (to Dawn) I'm not leaving you, Dawn.
DAWN: If you have to go learn ... I mean, if it'll help you out ... I think you should do it. (shot of Giles smiling) I can hang with the gang. I'll be okay.Buffy looks at Giles, turns to Dawn and puts an arm around her.
BUFFY: I love you, Dawn. You know that, right?
DAWN: Yeah. I love you too.
BUFFY: I love you ... (intensely) *really* love you.
DAWN: (nervous grin) Gettin' weird.
BUFFY: Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love.They hug.
Cut to: Spike staring at something. We see Warren in the background.
SPIKE: Some say it's better'n the real thing.
WARREN: (nervous) Better than the real thing.Shot of a pair of feet. Pan slowly up to reveal the BuffyBot. She wears a knee-length pleated skirt of pale pink, a blouse of darker pink, and a black jacket. Her eyes are closed as she stands there.
SPIKE: (OS) She looks good, but what about the rest?
Spike still staring at the bot.
SPIKE: A little walk, a little talk...
Warren stuffing books into a backpack. We're in Warren's parents' living room (same set from "I Was Made To Love You").
SPIKE: ...perhaps a zippy cartwheel...
WARREN: Hey, she's, uh, great. You'll be real happy, I swear, she's got everything you asked for. All the extra programming, tons of real-world knowledge, the profiles you gave me about her family and friends.
SPIKE: *All* the extra programming, right?
WARREN: Ah, the, the stuff that you wanted, the, uh, scenario responses, you know, the, uh, uh, special ... skills ... (nervous laugh) All of it. Now, you said that I could leave-Warren tries to go past but Spike grabs his arm.
SPIKE: Wait. I'm not sure I'm a satisfied customer. She looks a little shiny to me, you know, uh...
Close shot of the bot's closed eyes.
SPIKE: (OS) ...touch of plasticine...
The eyes pop open.
BUFFYBOT: Spike?
Longer shot of the BuffyBot smiling hugely.
BUFFYBOT: Oh, Spike!
She hurries over to Spike, puts her hands on his shoulders and kisses him on the mouth. She pulls back, still with a big smile.
SPIKE: She'll do.
Wolf howl. Opening credits.
Guest starring Clare Kramer, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by Michael Gershman.
Act I
Open on Glory lying on a sofa.
GLORY: (annoyed) He's getting stronger. I'm losing him, I'm losing control of him.We see that we're in Glory's apartment. She has her legs up on one arm of the sofa. Two of her sycophant demons sit on the other end of the sofa while three more stand behind.
JINX: You're speaking of Ben, most glamorous yet tasteful one?
GLORY: He stabbed you in your body.
MURK: Jinx is all right, your highness. And we do have the new knowledge that the key is a human being.
GLORY: (sits up) If time runs out on us and all we're left with is info? Then we're screwed.
JINX: Oh, surely not!
GLORY: (leans back) No, we're screwed!
MURK: But you are a god. The sacred Glorificus!
GLORY: I'm a god in exile. Far from the hellfires of home and ... sharing my body with an enemy that stabs my boys in their (pokes Jinx in the stomach, he groans and winces) fleshy little stomachs.She sits back again in frustration, ignoring Jinx. He makes a gesture to Murk that he's okay.
GLORY: Uhh! I'm in pain.
JINX: How can we help? We'll lay down our lives.Glory ponders for a moment, gets up.
GLORY: The Slayer and the key are connected. She's going to have contact with it. Find out who's new in her life, who's ... special, who's different. Watch her.
MURK: We can do that, O ... thou.
GLORY: I want to hear about everyone she has contact with! That girl has my key ... (the monks bow their heads) and I'm trusting you boys to get it for me. If you love me ... (they both look up) get it for me.The monks smile happily at each other and at Glory.
Cut to: a slice of desert. There are sandy dunes with some scraggly bushes, and one tree. Heat waves shimmer in the air. Giles' convertible comes around the dune, pulls up and stops. Giles and Buffy get out. Giles goes to open the trunk. Buffy follows. She wears a long brown coat over brown pants and a brown turtleneck. Giles wears jeans, a black shirt and a brown suede jacket.
BUFFY: What's in the trunk?
GILES: Supplies. (leans into the trunk)
BUFFY: Supplies? I was wondering about that. Like, food, water, maybe a compass?
GILES: (straightens up holding stuff) What about a book, a gourd, and a bunch of twigs?
BUFFY: I don't think I'll be that hungry.
GILES: They're for me. Come on, this way.He walks off with Buffy following. Cut to them walking across the sand.
GILES: You see, the location of the sacred place is a guarded secret. I can't take you there myself. (They begin to climb up a dune) I'll have to perform a ritual to ... transfer my guardianship of you, temporarily, to, to a guide. This'll do.
He stops and begins putting the stuff down.
BUFFY: A guide but no food or water. So it leads me to the sacred place, and then a week later it leads you to my bleached bones?
GILES: Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones.Buffy grins. Giles kneels on the ground and begins arranging the twigs around himself.
BUFFY: So, how's it start?
GILES: I, uh, jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um ... (embarrassed) I shake my gourd.
BUFFY: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around.
GILES: (straightens up, gives her a sour look) Go quest.Buffy makes an amused face. Giles looks embarrassed. He sighs, rolls his eyes, jumps into the circle of twigs, jumps out, and shakes the gourd. Nothing seems to happen. He and Buffy look at each other.
BUFFY: And that's what it's all about.
Cut to: Spike in his crypt, dancing around in sparring mode.
SPIKE: What you searching for, Slayer, a weak spot? Hmm?We see that he's circling around the BuffyBot, who holds a stake in one hand. She is no longer wearing the jacket but still wears the pink skirt and sleeveless blouse.
SPIKE: Try me, give me the best you've got.
She lunges at him with a very lame stabbing movement and he ducks out of the way.
BUFFYBOT: Ooh!
Spike grabs her from behind with one arm around her neck and the other grabbing her hand.
BUFFYBOT: Oh... (panting)
SPIKE: Is that your best, Slayer?
BUFFYBOT: No.
SPIKE: Why not?
BUFFYBOT: I, I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body.
SPIKE: Maybe I should repay you for your gentleness. Maybe I should let you go.
BUFFYBOT: No! No, Spike. Never let me go.
SPIKE: You know you should be afraid of me. I'm bad.
BUFFYBOT: (seductively) You are. You're very, very bad.Suddenly she twists out of his grasp and flings him across the room. He lands on his back on the bed. The