Transcriber's Notes:
TeaserGILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
Monks running in fear.
Glory smashing through the warehouse.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
QUENTIN TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon, she's a god.
The dying monk talking to Buffy.
MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human...
Monks chanting.
MONK: ...and sent it to you.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn.
Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben.
DAWN: I'm not real.
BEN: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you, she's here!
Ben morphing into Glory.
Ben talking to Jinx.
BEN: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent-
JINX: An innocent?
BEN: It's not a person.
Ben stabbing Jinx.
Glory in her apartment.
GLORY: What about the key?
JINX: He indicated that it was a person.
Spike tied up in Glory's apartment.
SPIKE: I'll tell you who the sodding key is.
GLORY: The vampire is lying to me.
SPIKE: The Slayer is going to kick your lopsided ass.
Glory kicking Spike across the room, through the door.Episode opens on the UC Sunnydale campus. Exterior of a building, students walking around and talking.
Cut to a classroom. Close shot of a pair of hands fiddling with a slide projector. In the background the door opens and Buffy comes in. We see students leaving. The person at the slide projector is the professor. Buffy walks over to him.
BUFFY: Professor Lillian?
PROFESSOR: Buffy.
BUFFY: I'm sorry that I missed the lecture today. (professor continues struggling with the slide machine) Was it good?He gives her a look.
BUFFY: Um, of course it was. (He returns to fiddling) D-do you want me to try?
PROFESSOR: Yes, thanks, the ... (gesturing vaguely) slide is stuck in the ... thing.
BUFFY: Okay. (begins pulling at the slide) Um, I just ... came by to tell you that ... I have to drop this class. Um, all my classes actually. I'm not finishing the semester. I wish it ... um ... I just, I can't be in school right now. I, I have to take care of my sister.
PROFESSOR: (nods) Yes, I, I thought you might. I was very sorry to hear about your loss.Buffy looks pensive for a moment, then reaches for her bag.
BUFFY: Um, I have these forms from the registrar's office that I need you to sign.
She gives him the papers.
PROFESSOR: Oh ... yes.
He puts the papers on the table, puts on his glasses to read them. Buffy waits while he signs the papers and gives them back.
BUFFY: Thanks.
She puts them in her bag as the professor takes his glasses back off. Then she looks back up at him.
PROFESSOR: Is there something else?
BUFFY: No. Yes. Yeah. Um ... I wanted to tell you ... how much I enjoyed this class. (resumes pulling at the slide projector) I mean, I know that I wasn't the best student, but ... I really learned a lot. Uh, and I really like poetry. (shot of her hands on the projector) I really do.The stuck slide pops out and goes flying across the room.
BUFFY: (embarrassed) Oh, sorry.
PROFESSOR: (smiles) I'm glad you like poetry, Buffy.
BUFFY: I wish I had time for it. But I just ... don't right now.
PROFESSOR: Well, maybe short poems.
BUFFY: Yeah! Like, like those, those Japanese ones that, that, um, sound like a sneeze?
PROFESSOR: Haiku?
BUFFY: Right. Maybe those. A-and hopefully I'll be back next semester.Cut to Ben rushing down the hospital hallways, looking anxious.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: When I'm more myself again.
Ben approaches two doctors who are standing there looking at a clipboard. One wears a white lab coat, the other blue scrubs. They seem to be waiting for Ben.
DOCTOR: Benjamin. This is a pleasant surprise.
BEN: I'm sorry I'm late.
DOCTOR: You're not late.
BEN: (looks at his watch) But sir-
DOCTOR: You can't be late to a job that you don't have. (gives the clipboard to the other doctor who walks away) Interestingly enough, I've decided to give your job to someone who'll actually do it. (Ben sighs in annoyance) Honest to God, Ben! I've been calling you for two weeks. Where the hell have you been? I didn't wanna ... I'm sorry to fire you, but I need somebody I can count on.
BEN: (surprised) I haven't been here... (resigned) I haven't been here in two weeks. (hopefully) There's an explanation for this. Which ... I ... can't exactly give you. I - can I just tell you it's not my fault?
DOCTOR: (nods) Sure. You can also tell me that the dog ate your homework, or maybe eating Twinkies made you do it, or ... maybe yeah, that there's really a wicked demonic creature living inside you that takes control of your body and forces you to do its bidding. (sighs) Take responsibility for your actions, Ben!
BEN: I ... this ... (angrily) you know, forget it. Just forget it.He turns to walk away. Fast-cut to Ben cleaning out his locker, angrily throwing clothes into a bag while talking to himself.
BEN: This is so unfair. You're taking everything away from me. Everything I worked for, I earned, I care about. These are my choices, this is my life, and you're ruining it! (pauses, shakes his head) No. No. Not here. Not now, please. (puts his hands to his face) I'm Ben. I'm Ben. I'm Ben.
He continues to repeat this phrase while turning to bang his hand against the side of the locker. Focus on his hand as it shrinks and becomes Glory's hand. Pan over to Glory standing where Ben was. She looks around with a small smile.
GLORY: I'm hungry.
Wolf howl. Opening credits.
Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Troy T. Blendell, Anne Betancourt, Leland Crooke, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Grossman.
Act I
Open on Glory taking a bubble bath. Beside the bathtub three of her demons are kneeling, with blindfolds over their eyes. One holds a tray with a wine glass on it, another holds a large box of chocolate.
GLORY: (happy sigh) We got this part right, that's for sure. Lot of sucky things in this dimension -- bubble baths? Not one of 'em. (blows some bubbles) Know what I mean?
JINX: I am in thunderous agreement, oh glittering, glistening Glorificus.
GLORY: I wasn't talking to you.
MURK: Uh, begging your pardon, and begging in general, but ... were you talking to me?
GLORY: Eww. Yeah, right. Like any of you have ever bathed, anyway.
MURK: Oh, but we do, your scrumptiousness. We bathe in your splendiforous radiance, your aromatic-
GLORY: How about you shut up and listen to me, you disgusting little fools? (all three bow their heads) Okay. Now, I asked for the key, and you brought me a vampire. A pulseless, impure, follicly-fried vampire. Loofah!Murk produces a large loofah and gives it to her. She begins scrubbing her leg.
GLORY: So, what I think we have here is a failure for you to do your frickin' jobs, pardon my French. (shoves the loofah back into Murk's hand) Mimosa.
Slook holds out the tray and Glory takes the glass.
GLORY: Mmm ... (sips, smiles) Vitamins. (briskly) So I think you better rack your little minion brains, and tell me everything that you saw when you were spying on Buffy and her wacky pals. Everything. Mm. Then I'll figure out who the key is.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: You lied to me?Cut to head-shot of Dawn sitting in a chair.
DAWN: Didn't ... lie ... e-exactly.
BUFFY: (OS) Really.Cut to head-shot of Buffy sitting next to her.
BUFFY: What about all the times I asked you how school was and you said "fine"?
DAWN: Well, it was! (softly) You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine.We see a woman sitting behind a desk with a nameplate saying "Principal Stevens." Buffy and Dawn sit in chairs on the other side of the desk. Buffy sighs.
BUFFY: I-I don't know what to say. I-I'm sure you're aware that the past few months, you know, have been kind of hard for Dawn. Not that I'm saying that's an excuse.
PRINCIPAL: I understand. Your mother was a lovely woman and we'll all miss her very much. I know how difficult it must be.
BUFFY: It is. Especially for Dawn. She-she's just a kid.
PRINCIPAL: Well ... I think we both know that Dawn is a lot more than "just a kid."Dawn looks alarmed, looks over at Buffy, who returns the look.
PRINCIPAL: (leans forward) She's a talented young girl ... with a sharp mind ... (to Dawn) when she puts the effort in.
Dawn looks away in relief.
BUFFY: Look. I realize that there's been some ball-dropping, but I'm sure this will all-
PRINCIPAL: Dawn, why don't you wait outside for a few minutes?Dawn looks very scared. She looks over at Buffy, who gives her a nod. Dawn gets up and leaves. Buffy watches her go with a sigh.
The principal gives Buffy a stern look. Buffy faces her head-on.
Cut to: interior magic shop, day. Xander and Willow sit at the table, he's reading a comic book and she's reading something else. In the background there's an older couple walking around browsing. The camera pans around to reveal Anya on the other side of the table, standing, watching the customers.
Shot of the customers examining the merchandise.
Shot of Anya watching them, partly hidden behind a display case.
XANDER: Honey.
Anya whirls around to face him.
XANDER: Old saying. "A watched customer never buys."
ANYA: They would if they were patriotic.Xander and Willow both put down their reading material, look at Anya, then look at each other.
XANDER: (to Willow) Okay, I'm goin' in. (to Anya) Patriotic?
ANYA: Yes. I've recently come to realize there's more to me than just being human. (proudly) I'm also an American.Giles appears, holding a cup of tea.
GILES: Yes, I suppose you are, in a manner of speaking. You were born here -- your mortal self.
He walks past her.
ANYA: Well, that's right, foreigner. (Giles gives her a look) So I've been reading a lot about the good ol' us of A (she says "us" not "U.S."), embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology that's helped to shape and define it.
WILLOW: Democracy?
ANYA: Capitalism. The free market depends on the profitable exchange of goods for currency. (Xander and Willow exchange an amused look) It's a system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people. (turns to look back at the customers) Look at 'em. Perusing the shelves. Undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs (turns back to the others) all ogle, no cash. It's not just annoying, it's unAmerican.Giles comes over to her and peers past her at the customers.
GILES: Appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness.
He walks off.
ANYA: Totally unAmerican. Oh, and you know what else is unAmerican? French people.
WILLOW: You don't say.
ANYA: From what I hear, they don't tip. Now, French old people? That's *really* the bottom of the barrel, you know?
XANDER: Ahn, how's about we try being a bit less prejudiced, and a bit more inclusive? Not us, (indicates himself and Willow, then points to Anya) just you.
ANYA: Fine. I'm gonna make those fogeys buy things.She turns and walks toward the customers. The door opens and Buffy enters, followed by Dawn. Buffy gives Anya a little wave as they head down the stairs toward the table.
XANDER: Hey, what's up? It's Dawn Giovanni and the Buffster.
DAWN: (sullen) Hi.
BUFFY: Hey everybody.
GILES: I trust everything went well at the university?
BUFFY: Yep, I'm, uh, all dropped out. (she and Dawn sit at the table)
XANDER: Good on you. Welcome to the real world. Lot of fun to be had on the outside. (looks at Willow) You'll see.
BUFFY: Well, it's just for now. I mean, I'm thinking that I'm probably gonna go back next semester.
XANDER: And that's cool too. Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as ... (nervous laugh) as your ... (frowns; Buffy looks curiously at him) You know, I'm searching for supportive things, and I'm comin' up all bras, so... (Buffy smiles) something slightly more manly, think of me as that.Shot of Dawn not smiling.
XANDER: (quietly) Seriously. Whatever you need.
BUFFY: Thank you. Actually, I need to talk to Giles alone for a minute. (Giles looks up from his tea and newspaper)
XANDER: (OS) Cool, that's cool.
BUFFY: (stands) Uh, Dawn, why don't you get started on your homework? Uh, if you need help, (turns to Willow) Will, could y